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Scott Sandahl
By C.J. Johnson
Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a father who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a man and a father. Above all, the Dad of the Month is dedicated to his children. Rich or poor, famous or not, he shines as an example of what fathering is all about.
Scott Sandahl of Port Aransas, Texas, is busy these days counting his many blessings. He has a solid marriage to Luann, his wife of 23 years, two healthy children and a novel that is selling well across the nation. But ask Sandahl what he treasures most, and he will quickly answer that his children are the most amazing gifts he has been granted in this life.
Sandahl always knew he would be a father. "I never thought about not being a father," he says. "I always pictured myself having a family. I think it's good to have your kids when you are young, if possible, and Luann agreed. We had our first child, Chris, when we had been married 21 months."
Luann and Scott already had full lives when their first child arrived. "Luann and I were used to doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted to," Sandahl says. "That all changed immediately. It seems like our time from Chris' birth to Cody graduating from high school was defined by their schedules for school, piano, sports, church, sleepovers and birthday parties." By turning his life over to his children, Sandahl embraced selflessness.
Fatherhood also radically changed Sandahl's view on life. "Chris and Cody became the center point of our life," he says. "We made our decisions based on what was best for them – from parenting techniques to schools." Sandahl explains that he and Luann also went back to church in order to instill Christian values in their children.
Sandahl feels that the years spent nurturing his children were full of wonderful memories, proud moments, family vacations and awards. Their scrapbooks and photo albums are a testament to those events and are treasured above all their many possessions. "Having our kids was the best decision we have made besides deciding to get married," Sandahl says.
Sandahl has learned many valuable lessons from his children, but the most important is the complete embracing of unmitigated joy. "There is no better moment than when a child is deliriously happy," he says. "I still try to revel in the moment like a child can, but it's hard sometimes. From my children I learned the importance of what's in your heart."
Sandahl looks back to the times his children were born and counts both occasions as some of the most joy-filled moments of his entire life. He also values countless moments along the way when his children smiled and laughed. "When they graduated from high school, it was tremendously emotional and retrospective," Sandahl says. "It brought back tons of wonderful memories. Chris and Cody will both graduate from college in 2003, and I think the same thing will happen again."
Discipline, by far, has been Sandahl's biggest challenge as a parent. "It has to be consistent and fit the crime," Sandahl says. "I hated to discipline my kids, but fortunately, Luann always had a good plan that fit the age of each kid, and we were able to maintain consistent and appropriate discipline."
Disciplining his children gave Sandahl a new take on an old expression. "The old saying 'This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you' is certainly true," he says. "I don't mean this in a physical sense, but that it was so mentally hard to discipline our kids when you really just want to make everything OK for them."
During the many trials of parenthood and wondering how his children would turn out, Sandahl was consoled by one thought. "Throughout the ups and downs of our kids' lives, I always took comfort that they both had good hearts," he says. "I think that pulled them through the tougher moments, and I hope my heart always does the same for me."
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Fatherly AdviceSandahl has spent a lot of time as a father bandaging skinned knees, reading bedtime stories and teaching his children to drive. Along the way he has learned a lot about parenting. Although his two sons, Chris and Cody, are now young men in college, Sandahl hasn't forgotten the knowledge he gathered along the journey through parenthood. His advice for other fathers:
- Share yourself with your kids.
- Make time for family activities.
- Take time to share your talents with your children and teach them.
- Give your wife a break and spend one-on-one time with your kids.
- Work together with your wife when disciplining.
- Know what to expect at each stage of childhood.
- Control your temper and try not to say something you don't mean.
"Being a parent and raising children is an adventure and should be enjoyed to its fullest," Sandahl says. "There are good times and bad times, but I try to focus on the good ones. Leafing through your photo albums and scrapbooks periodically is healthy because we only take pictures of wonderful moments and fill scrapbooks with the good memories." Sandahl claims that viewing the photos occasionally reinforces the fact that the good moments far outweigh and outnumber the bad.
Sandahl's final advice is to enjoy the ride. "It goes faster than you can ever imagine," he says. "You can never get back time you missed being with your children."
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