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Robert Davi

By Donna Smith

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a father who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a man and a father. Above all, the Dad of the Month is dedicated to his children. Rich or poor, famous or not, he shines as an example of what fathering is all about.

Our choice for December is Robert Davi, father of five, actor and spokesperson for i-SAFE.

Actor Robert Davi has worked with some of Hollywood's finest. A few of his movie credits include Die Hard (1988), License to Kill (1989), Raw Deal (1986), Showgirls (1995), The Hot Chick (2002) and Contract on Cherry Street (1977), where he starred opposite Frank Sinatra. He recently finished filming One Last Ride and will soon film the epic Gildamesh in Morocco. But many know him best from his role as veteran FBI agent Bailey Malone in the NBC series Profiler.

Davi's most serious roles now are as dad to his five children, Christopher, 22, Adrianna, 13, Frances, 11, and almost 3-year-old twins, Isabella and Nicholas, and promoting Internet safety. Through an organization called i-SAFE, this safety-conscious dad is helping protect not only his children, but thousands across the country from Internet predators.

Davi is an active father who encourages education as well as extracurricular activities. His children enjoy swimming, horseback riding, singing, music and sports, with softball topping the list. Davi has helped by coaching his daughter's team and participating in tournaments.

The twins, Isabella and Nicholas, go to preschool a couple of days a week "just to get their feet wet," says Davi, who is amazed at their ability to communicate so well at their age due to having older siblings. "The difference in their ability to communicate is so far advanced from other kids who are the same age," he says. "They [the teachers] are even surprised with their ability to communicate and express themselves. I think that's something also we encourage ... that self-expression and the individual attitude a kid can have to develop a strong personality. I'm a pretty strong individual and so is their mom."

When his schedule permits, Davi enjoys helping the kids with their special projects at school. He's been fortunate to be home a lot lately, but says there are periods of time when he's on location, and that can get difficult. On occasion, he will take the kids on set with him. "They enjoy that," he says. "Sometimes they bring their homework, sometimes they just hang out and have a fun lunch – behind-the-scenes stuff."

It should come as no surprise that 22-year-old Christopher is interested in the business and following in Dad's footsteps. Christopher is now attending acting school, which is fine with Davi. "It has to be something that internally comes from him," he says. "I support him, as I see his passion for it. But there's a lot of rejection involved in it because it's a tough business, but I wouldn't discourage it if that's what a kid wants to do."

His girls are also showing an interest in acting, but for Davi, education is top priority. "I stress to them education," he says. "Education is first. For me, that's what it was. Because the more educated you are, the better an actor you are. You understand the world we live in. "

Davi describes his children as "struggly" students, and feels, as many parents do, that his children could work harder. "They fly off a cuff and study when they have to study instead of having that self-motivating thing in them," he says. Davi wants them to know that learning is fun, but says it's an interesting balance between being able to inspire a child or turn them off to something.

"Sometimes it's tough," Davi says. "Sometimes it's the excitement of learning, of gaining knowledge and growth. It's that they understand the purpose of life. It's about growth. Knowledge and education is like water for your growth."

Growth for the Davi family also includes spirituality. "My wife and myself encourage God and respect and understand the commandments," he says. Davi wants his children to understand all kinds of religions.

His Better Half

In 1990, Davi married Christine Bolster, the original model for Guess jeans. Besides her role as a mom, Bolster also does volunteer work as a court appointed special advocate (CASA). "She goes into situations where children are taken from their parents or in homes and need special programs and special attention," Davi says. "She goes in and she talks to the parents and she talks to the educators. She makes sure they get the kind of help that they need."

Davi says there's a shocking and surprising amount of neglect out there, and without someone being an advocate for a child, they can just get pushed through the system. Bolster also volunteers at her children's schools and does "mom stuff."

While working on Profiler, Davi went to the FBI academy at Quantico, Va., and met Bill Hagmire, who was "the real Bailey Malone" and in charge of the child abduction/serial killing unit. "He filled me in on the epidemic of missing children and child predators," Davi says. "And when I went to Washington, D.C., at the Hoover Building and went to the computer critical response unit there, which is computer crime, I was made aware of the amount of computer crime that's happening. So I was aware of what was happening in the world."

About a year later, Davi became involved with i-SAFE, an organization that works with schools, law enforcement and community leaders to bring age-appropriate curriculum directly to classrooms nationwide to help students not only gain critical-thinking and decision-making skills, but empower them to take control of their Internet experiences. Davi was contacted by Teri Schroeder, the developer of i-SAFE, and soon came on board and started using his contacts and influence to help get the program up and gain more visibility.

Since its launch in 1998, i-SAFE has reached thousands of students, and Congress has recently increased its funding to $5 million. The program will expand from 24 to 50 states during the 2003-2004 school year. "It's going very well," Davi says. "It's now gone from being like a satellite group to being in all 50 states and funded by Congress." Davi routinely talks at schools and spoke at the National Association School Resource Officers (NASRO) convention last summer.

Davi says i-SAFE should be in every school because it's not going to get any easier. "We continually have new problems that crop up on that Cyber World," he says. "My whole thing with the kids is giving them a visceral understanding. On the playground they can see who they're interacting with – on the Cyber Playground, they can't."

What can parents do to get i-SAFE at their child's school? "People should call their congressman and say, 'Hey, we want this program in our school,'" Davi says. "It's a way of getting tax dollars back in the community."

Davi does not think children should have computers in their rooms until they're 18. "Parents should be parents, and children should feel safe and feel monitored that at any time the parent [can ask], 'What are you doing on there? Who are you talking to?'" he says. "I don't think you should stop them from using it – I don't believe in filtering – but I believe in educating them, and I believe that there are certain things you can do to help safeguard. There's a huge statistic as [to] the amount of children that are approached, from pornographic kiddie sites, etc."

Davi says his girls know to share any suspicious e-mails with him. He recalls when FOX news did a segment on him and his daughters. He believes that someone stopped the frames repeatedly and looked at the footage over and over again to figure out his daughter's e-mail address. "They got my daughter Frances' e-mail address," he says. Frances received a strange e-mail and told her dad, which made Davi feel good knowing they will tell him anything strange. "There's a balance between educating them and fear," he says. "A little fear is good."

For Davi, it all goes back to education, so children can learn to make choices – the right choices – by themselves. "It comes down to character building," he says. "There was more of a visceral understanding of shoplifting. There would be an immediate moral compass that they were guided by. That's really the first firewall. Temptations are a constant, but if they're given some sort of moral compass of which to make choices on and consequences for those choices, I think that helps."

Many parents feel safe because they've installed computer-monitoring software, but while Davi feels that it may be some help, it's not enough. "These kids can hack around anything," he says. "I'm sure that's some kind of deterrent. But it's still not affecting the hearts and minds of the kids. It's almost like a Band-Aid."

Davi offers another reason why he feels i-SAFE should be in every classroom: "You're not going to get 100 percent, but if it's in a classroom situation, you can get 75 percent of the kids," he says. "Being able to communicate, it's very hard with families with two jobs."

Kids are very trusting of who they are talking to on the Internet. "That's why you have to put that little bit of fear thing in them," Davi says. "I started with a visceral thing, saying, 'Can you help me find my puppy?' And then I would get them in the car and say, 'OK, I've got you. You're never going to see your Mommy and Daddy again.'" Though Davi does admit it sounds harsh, he says it affected them so they're just a little leery. Says Davi, "They're still very warm kids, but they're not [apt] to fall for 'Come for a ride on the red wagon.'"