728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Home › Dad of the Month

Gary Neal

By Shannon McKelden

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a father who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a man and a father. Above all, the Dad of the Month is dedicated to his children. Rich or poor, famous or not, he shines as an example of what fathering is all about.

It's said that a parent should never have to outlive their child. The heartbreak is too overwhelming, too crippling. Tulsa, Okla., attorney Gary Neal knows this, and yet he has turned his son's death into something meaningful. Something that just may help other parents save their own children.

In November 2006, home from school for Thanksgiving, 17-year-old Harrison Neal, a smart and popular high school student who loved the outdoors and spending time with his dad, took some medicine for a cold. He later added a prescription pain medicine he'd gotten hold of to get high. His mother found him in his bed the next morning.

"When he mixed [the pain pills] with the common cold medicine he was taking, it killed him," says Gary Neal. "We theorize that he simply did not understand how dangerous it was."

Saving Children's Lives

With prescription drug abuse by teens becoming more and more prevalent these days (with approximately one in five teens having abused prescription medications, according to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America), Neal is far from the only father who has suffered the loss of a child like this.

For the most part, parents these days are aware of the dangers of illegal drugs such as marijuana, crack/cocaine and methamphetamine. But many parents are simply ill-informed about the dangers of prescription drugs, or they figure their child has no access to these drugs. As Neal discovered, nothing could be further from the truth, and as long as parents remain uneducated about this problem, the possibility of other senseless teen deaths is a real concern.

Instead of allowing his son's death to remain a meaningless tragedy, Neal wanted his son's life to mean something. When Abbott Laboratories and the Partnership for a Drug-Free America called him about supporting Not in My House (www.drugfree.org/notinmyhouse), Neal knew this was the opportunity he was looking for.

"No one can imagine the heartache and grief caused by losing Harrison this way," Neal says. "Being involved in Not in My House provides me with a way to share our experience, however painful it might be, in order to prevent another family from going through the same nightmare."

Together with his 21-year-old daughter, Jordan, a senior at the University of Oklahoma, Neal has become an advocate for getting the word out that prescription drug abuse among teens is a real problem. Jordan speaks to students about her brother's death, and they both participate in Not in My House, which they feel is their tribute to Harrison, whom they fondly call "H." They are both featured on the Not in My House Web site, telling their story – the story of the brother and son who loved life and died too soon – in hopes that other parents will remove the blinders that keep them from recognizing their teen's prescription drug abuse problems.

"Our work has not only helped to strengthen our bond as father and daughter, but has given us a new and fulfilling purpose," Neal says. "If Jordan and I can reach one parent, one kid, one family, this will be worth it."

A Dad with a Purpose

Neal has changed since Harrison's death. He and Harrison shared many hobbies, like fishing, river-rafting and hiking, but Neal now spends even more time at home and less time at the office. He allows others to take more active roles at his successful law firm, which has offices in both Oklahoma and Colorado and is managed by his wife, Jamie (Harrison's stepmother).

This experience has left Neal wanting to feel closer to everyone in his life. "I have grown closer to my daughter [Jordan] and worry about being a pest by calling her too often," he says. "My wife, children and I continue to work through the guilt, depression and anxiety, and will for a long time."

While working through all these emotions, Neal hasn't forgotten the other children out there who still have a chance at life – and the parents who need to be informed if they have any chance of saving them. His commitment to helping parents recognize and take important steps to prevent prescription drug abuse – which often begins in their own homes – has become an important part of his healing process, no matter how painful it may be to speak of Harrison's death.

"This is about 'us,' the average American, not about 'them,'" Neal says. "It is not 'their' kids, it is 'our' kids, good kids who may understand 'bad' drugs, but have no clue when it comes to prescription medications."

Neal believes in honoring the dead by living. His life is lived partly in service to others, with love and compassion. Harrison, too, believed in service to his community. He cooked for the homeless and helped with conservation projects as part of his love for the outdoors.

"I know Harrison would be proud of Jordan and me speaking out," Neal says. "This is something he would have done. By speaking of his life, his battle with drugs, his death, I am closer to him."

The afternoon before Harrison died, he and Neal spent time in the woods together. "I will never forget the beautiful evening sky, the owls hooting and coyotes howling," Neal says. "It was almost magical."

Perhaps with Neal's and his daughter's help, other parents will have continued magical moments with their own children.



Want to see more?