- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- article archive
- expert q & a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Have a question for Dr. Bill or Martha?
Ask it here!
|
Dr. Bill and Martha Answer:
My 5-year-old son has become increasingly aggressive and difficult to calm. What can I do? Answer: Sounds like your child has had the best possible parenting so don't take his behavior personally. It's obviously nothing you have done or are doing since he has had the best five years of attachment parenting that any child could hope to get. To encourage compliant behavior try a game we call having a "yes" day. Make a chart and keep track of yes's and no's. Tell your child every time I ask you to do something and you say "yes, mommy," put a "yes" on the chart. At the end of the day if there are more yes's then no's, that's a "yes" day, and we'll do something special together. Soon your child will realize there's more fun to be compliant then defiant. Also how you address your child can make a difference between compliance and defiance. Attachment parented children, as yours is, are very astute at reading body language. Use a technique we call connect before you direct: "Name, I need your eyes, I need your ears." As you insist upon eye-to-eye contact as you give your request. Make him an offer he can't refuse: "When you've put away your toys, then you can play your computer game." When-then motivates compliance. Also, your child has enjoyed a rather high and long dose of attachment parenting which means he will have a higher dose of ambivalence about separating from you. This ambivalence may translate into aggressive behavior that is temporary. Don't worry that you have caused any of this behavior. You have given your child the deepest and greatest gift any parent can give: The capacity for forming deep attachments. Also, take inventory of what could be making him angry. Are there major changes in his life such as a move, worry about going to school, change in any family structure? Some high-need children are particularly sensitive to a lot of junk food. Our high-need child went through a stage like this and we finally pinned her behavior on overdosing on corn syrup. While nutritional sensitivities are an unlikely cause, it's worth exploring. |
