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Dr. Bill and Martha Answer:
Do you have any strategies or ideas for maintaining closeness between mother and second child? My daughters are 19 months apart. My oldest, now 34 months, is a high-needs baby. I feel so distracted by meeting her needs that my youngest seems to be on her own more than I want. I really want to remain close, but am struggling to find ways. I still breastfeed her and she joins us in bed every day at 4 a.m. Answer: When you have an older high-need child draining your energy, it's impossible to give 100 percent to two children. Yet, both your high-need child and your younger infant will realistically need to learn how to share Mommy. Since you are still nursing and she snuggles with you in bed, you are obviously very close to your toddler, and she is very close to you. These two attachment styles are likely to maintain this closeness. Also, get Dad more involved in the care of the 3-year-old, so that you can spend more time with the baby. Capitalize on one of the quirks of a high-need child, the wish to be boss. Give your child a job and a title, such as "Mommy's little helper." Have her help you with her younger sister (under supervision, of course). Show and tell her how to teach her little sister some games. This will free up some of your energy that you will need for yourself, your marriage and your toddler. |
