I have a 2 1/2-year-old son who sleeps with us and just weaned last week. We have a new baby and tandem nursing wasn't working. He and I discussed it and we both felt we were ready to give up our nursing relationship. He is doing great without it, to my thankful surprise. The problem enters at bedtime. What used to take me 15 minutes of "Momma Milk Time" now takes at least an hour and a half to get him to sleep. I miss the ease of putting him to sleep with my breast. I've tried cuddling, rocking, reading, etc. Nothing works and I find myself lying in bed resentful, just waiting for him to doze off. What else can I try?

Answer:

The key to your question is "Nothing works and I find myself lying in bed resentful...." One of the principles of parenting that we learned many kids ago is, "If you resent it, change it." The fact that you resent nursing your toddler to sleep is your intuitive signal that you need to make a change. Remember, "nursing" does not mean only breastfeeding. It implies comforting, and you, or someone else, can comfort your toddler to sleep in other ways than breastfeeding. In fact, it's now time for dad to do some "father nursing" to get your child to sleep. It may even be easier for someone else to put your toddler to sleep, since she is used to the whole atmosphere of breastfeeding to sleep with you and may feel "What's wrong with this picture?" Encourage your husband to take over "night nursing," but don't give him the message that he is a pinchhitter, filling in for you. This gives him the message that he is second best. "Father nursing" a child down to sleep who has been used to breastfeeding off to sleep is not easy for a dad, and he needs all the encouragement he can get from you. Don't hover around ready to rescue fussy baby from fumbling daddy. Instead, take a walk and let dad and your toddler work it out. You'll be surprised what creative fathering-to-bed techniques your husband can come up with in a pinch.

Don’t worry that tandem nursing didn't work for you. Despite what you read and hear, in our experience, successful tandem nursing is the exception rather than the rule. After all, weaning does not mean the loss of a relationship, but a passage from one relationship to another. Your 21/2-year-old has been filled with breastfeeding and is now ready to move onto another relationship with you -- and so are you.