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Have a question for Dr. Bill or Martha?
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Dr. Bill and Martha Answer:
My 17-month-old son has started to hit, pull hair and scream at a high-pitch when he doesn't get his way. How do I correct this behavior and positively show him how to get what he wants verbally instead of physically? Answer: These common aggressive behaviors peak around 18 months of age, primarily because a toddler does not yet have the verbal abilities to express his wants and needs, so he uses actions. His teeth and his hands are ready and available tools, and he soon learns to use them to get the attention of his caregivers. Screaming also peaks at this age. Toddlers become amazed at the power of their voices and the effect those high decibels have on their startled audiences. Your prime disciplinary action at this age is to teach your child what is normal and acceptable behavior in your home. A toddler is searching for what is the norm and how he is supposed to behave. It's up to you to show and tell him. It's important to correct these behaviors before they become part of a child's normal way of acting. Here's how. Identify the triggers. What sets up these aggressive behaviors? Is the child tired, bored, or are there too many children in too small an area? Then, as much as possible, remove the triggers. A general principle of correcting any undesirable behavior is not only to stop misbehavior, but to give your child a more acceptable alternative. If your little boy is going through a physical, aggressive stage, teach him socially acceptable alternatives to hitting, such as "Give me five." Children's behaviors are shaped by consequences. If after a "give me five" your child gets a nice hug and a smile, he files this behavior into his repertoire of what to repeat. If, however, following a hit you firmly but calmly announce, "You may not hit" and put your child in a time-out, he will soon learn that hitting gets him nowhere. Concerning biting, children will often bite the hands that love them. Don't take it personally. Show him alternative behaviors, such as hugs, patting, or back to the old "give me five." Above all, don't bite your child back. If your child doesn't understand that biting hurts and gentler tactics aren't working, show him how his sharp teeth feel on his own skin. Lovingly press your child's arm against his upper teeth as if he were biting himself, not in an angry, revengeful way, but to make the point that biting hurts. Follow this lesson by "See, biting hurts, so we don't bite mommy or your sister...." Another annoying, but less bothersome, behavior is screaming. Here's how we muted our little screamers as they were trying out their strong voices. We told them, "Only scream on the grass." This meant that if they wanted to scream they had to go outside where we couldn't hear them. This taught them the lesson that screaming indoors is not acceptable. Soon they got bored of screaming outside without an audience.
These aggressive behaviors will lessen around 2 years of age, once your child is old
enough to convey his needs and wants by words rather than actions. |
